It's September 17 today and days from now, my boyfriend and I will be celebrating our 3rd (!!!!) Anniversary. Yes, you got that right.

We are now on our 3rd year and guess what? I feel like we're just starting now because of the oh-so-many things that happened this year.

Well I guess the term should be 'starting over' because we were really starting over again. Well at least for me.

Now, I am pissed and stressed and these got me thinking about my future with him.

Before, as he said, he really has plans for us, for the future, for his career, his family, for God, and so on and so forth. But what I realized now was that those were just merely his alter ego. I mean, those are the good things he just wants for himself but never really do anything to get to those plans of his.

Because I love him, after a couple of months and years together, I know that there's something wrong in him, but still, I dont think about it so much because he ''said'' he is a good man, a son of God, who would do everything for the Lord. And of course, I believe in him even if I dont see that much clearly during those years.


Now, last February, I feel like there's something really wrong with this man. So I did everything just to know if he has another email. I feel like there's really something wrong. And alas! I found one.

And his ultra mega secret, quote and quote, long time secret was revealed: he is still talking shit with his ex. (Oh!  By the way, this is just one of his lies. He said that this girl is his ex, but then after confirming with the girl, they weren't really a thing about them.) 

I just dont know how a guy would be in a relationship with someone he doesnt love? Like, hey! You should've dumped me or whatever before you cheated on me.

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I just want to express my thoughts right now. I know I should be writing to earn now. But then again, I just want these all out.

Forgive me, Lord God. But I just cant't talk good right now.