S P R I N G

Woah, last post is last year? Grabe!

Haha. I was really working now but I just want to empty my mind so I can focus so much better on what to do in the next couple of hours.

Anyway, it's sad that I always beat myself for not doing the things I say that I have to do. Maybe because I have so much to do, or maybe because I really don't want to what I need to do. Haha!

Anyway, that's it!

I want to finish my Shopee work so I can rest already or prepare for the next month already.

Bye!

You know I sometimes don't want to think of you.

Well, I actually am thinking you will never really arrive at any point in my life.

Somehow it made me sad. Somehow it is a relief knowing that maybe you'll just hurt me.

But lately God has been telling me to wait and just be gentle to myself as I have been punishing myself with thoughts that is not pleasing to my inner self.

And then the series of wedding and proposal dreams suddenly bursts in the open.

Like Lord, really?

I dreamed of my own wedding last last night, I guess. It was magical. All of the people that I want to be there were all there. Venue's perfect. It was cold.

But the groom's not arriving still. I didn't see his face or even his body but when I saw him, I went outside and I washed the dishes, I cleaned, mopped, and washed our clothes while on my wedding gown. And while the mass is still ongoing.

It made me laugh. Because I know this will never happen in my own wedding.

And then last night, I dreamed of your proposal. Yes, I know it's you. I am sure it's you.

You know why? Because I felt at peace. We never really talked, I just saw you from a distance with my Mother and bestfriend together with some people close to us. It was after the proposal.

You are just small. Same as my height I guess? You were wearing a black jacket.

The location is like that of the one's in Batanes. Cliffside, with a narrow road. Overlooking the sea or a lake.

That's it. I think this will be one of the most memorable dreams I will ever have. Because I know it's real.

And future husband, I will wait for you.

Earlier, I talked to God.

It's the first time I prayed about you. 

Because I never really thought about this. Or you. All I know is that I am waiting. And while waiting, I will be productive.

While praying, God gave me this overflowing peace. 

And this peace is something that is very memorable to me 'coz I actually cried! God said in my prayer that the one for me will not make me super kilig but will make me at peace with our relationship, with my life in totality.

Not the usual peace. But the peace that is so deep that nothing can separate me with you. I don't know but this gave me a sense of hope that one day, you will be here, holding my hand while looking at my eyes with the peace that you bring.

Future Husband, I know that by the time we meet, God has molded you already to be that responsible man who is ready for bigger responsibilities as a husband and a Father to our kids.

By the time we meet, you will give me flowers, with a goal of winning my heart first. You will do everything to win my heart and will prove to me and my Mama that you are one of a kind.

I know these are too good to be true but future husband, know that I will be waiting for you. Someone who will love me, my deepest secrets, my flaws, and insecurities.

Future husband, I pray that while I am waiting for you, I'll be gentle to myself. Because all these years, I have been with the wrong guys and if this will hurt you, know that I am hurting too.

I hope and pray that you will accept me for who I am and love every peace of me. 

Future husband, know that I will serve you with all my life. I will promise to love you forever and I will be your help and your mate, willing to listen to you and will never leave you behind.

Future husband, I am so excited to meet you. I don't know when or where but I am sure our paths will meet. 

And by the time our eyes meet, I pray that you will also know that I am the one for you.

I love you. Even if I am still waiting for you.

Your future wife,

Pia

John 14: 1-4, 6-7

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”


6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”


Observation:


God really loves us so much! See, He already prepared rooms for us! Plenty of rooms!


Application:

I am praying that I will always live a life that honors Him.. Through my words, my actions, my whole being. If I will just be reminded of His love and grace every second of the day, will I not be excited? He has already made rooms for us in heaven! Rejoice and be glad every day! :)

Prayer:
Father, thank You for beautiful mornings like this. Thank you for the gift of second chances. Thank you Father for never giving up on me. And most of all, thank you for dying on the cross for our sins.

Thank You for waking me up each and every day, Father. 

Thank you for all the provisions, for all the blessings, for all the grace. 

I honor You and praise you everyday, Father.

Thank you for this promise Father that You already prepared a room for us in heaven! Father, help me to guide people to You po. Thank you for giving me these brokenhearted people so I can also share my testimony that no one can complete us here in earth except you, Panginoon, that the voids in our heart can only be filled by you alone. No amount of money, of material things, of anything Father can fill that void because only your love will fill us.

Father, help me share You to my friends, my Mama, and to the people who needs you. 

Help me Father that I can always guard my lips and my actions. I may sometimes feel that I am not growing and going anywhere but I would like to praise you for always breaking what the enemy wants to fill in my mind. 

I am praying for:

• Mama - Father, I pray that you will continuously heal her Father. Cover her by the blood of Jesus Christ. I pray that you will also give her new friends that will preach to her your word. I also pray Panginoon that through me, she will see Your goodness and mercy. I know that I need not worry because you will save her. In your own time.
• Ate Charis Galaraga - Father, I pray for Ate Charis' safety and protection in Bangladesh. I pray that she will always delight in you Panginoon and that she will always find joy and peace sa Inyo. Father, I pray that no enemy can harm her and the people around her as they fight for peace in these countries. I pray that she and the rest of her team will find favor in you Father. I also pray that you will give her the opportunities to share Jesus to the people surrounding her and that they may see Jesus in Ate. Father, above all, we know that they have already won the battle and that you is always in control. 
• TravelBook  - Father, I pray for our team and our company po. I thank you Father because I can see that little by little, people are drawing near to you Father. I praise you because you are really working in our life Father. I claim that this company is for Jesus and that no struggle and problems will reign in this company. I pray that you give wisdom to each and every employee of this company for every decision that we will be making. Father, I pray for peace, for humble hearts, Panginoon and for excellence in each and every department. Father, thank you for making this company blossom. I pray that in the years to come, we will be regarded as a God fearing company. 
• BD Girls - Father, I pray for joy in our team. Thank you restoring this team Father. Alam niyo po ang nangyari at nangyayari samin. May mga struggles but I praise You Father for being the God of resotration. I pray that You will protect us, give us more patience, humble hearts, and joyous souls. Thank you, Father! 
• Pinky - Father, I also pray for Pinky. I pray that You will give her wisdom sa lahat ng decisions nya sa lahat ng sub groups lalo na po sa tours na nagsisimula palang. I thank you Father for restoring our relationship. Never thought po na magiging maayos ang lahat. Narealzie ko po ngayon na iba talaga ang inyong timing. Really perfect and pleasing. I pray that you will give her more patience, more joy in her heart, and that she may speak blessings to the people around her and that she will just direct everyone to You Father. Thank you for this gift of friendship Father.
• Ina - Father, I pray for Ina. Thank you for also reminding me sa mga nararansan at nararamdaman nya ngayon. Father, I pray that you will speak to her always, that you will just embrace her each time na nag da-doubt din sya sa sarili nya. Father, I pray that we will work for the Lord and not for human masters Father. I pray that she will continuously find peace and joy sa heart nya sa work nya ngayon. I pray din Father that you will guard her heart, search her Father so that you may cleanse whatever na kailangan nyang i-deal. I pray that your relationship will blossom and that we will find in each other the friends that we are looking for. I know that we met for a purpose and that is to be sisters in you, Father, to speak life to each other, and para marebuke with love po ang isa't isa. 
• Cyra -  Father, I pray for Cyra. I pray that you will enlighten her heart, that you will just reassure her that you love her, and that everything is all in your hands. You know everything Father. You allow everything for a purpose. Ikaw na po ang bahal mag speak po sa Kanya. I pray Father that you will restore our relationship and macontinue po namin kung ano po ang nasimulan namin. Help me Father as I speak to her again.
• Brokenhearted women - Father, lately, you have been giving me brokenhearted women. Women na kagaya ko po noon, sinaktan at sinasaktan at niloloko ng mga tao sa paligid nya. Father, I pray that You will just comfort them and that you will reveal yourself to them. I pray that you will heal their hearts in time Father and that they will really just cling to you Panginoon. Hindi sa bagong boyfriend, hindi sa kung ano man kundi sayo lang Father.
• Myself - I pray Father that I will continuously grow in you. Father, sorry sa mga panahon na inuuna ko ang social media kesa sa inyo. Father, help me overcome these things Panginoon. I know na mas kailangan ko kayo more than anything Father. I pray that you will just embrace me each time an bumabalik po ang pain ko kay marvin and that I will just forgive him each time na naaalala ko sya. Father, I pray for excellence at work. Panginoon, help me remove every worry na nasa heart ko, lahat ng words ng enemy na hindi ako karapatdapat and all that consumes me. Father, I pray for my realtionships. I pray for my relationship with Mama, that we will go closer araw araw. 

Thank you Father! Thank you sa araw na to at pag gising sakin ng 4AM para makapasok ng maaga. I love you po!

This blog post shall be my 'God's Promises' bank. I shall update this from time to time each time God gives a promise.


1. Genesis 2:18 ESV

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”


2. Acts 16:31 ESV

And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.”

3. John 14: 1-4, 6-7

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”


6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

How about you? What is His promises to your life? :)

Hi.... (I don't really know how to call you)

How are you? Where are you now? I hope you're doing fine.

I know that our family has a really tragic story. Story of endless, unanswered questions.. And of abandonment. Don't get me wrong. I have forgiven you already. I just want to write a letter to you because there are some things I learned today that is connected to you. And it has been years since I last talked to you.

Shall we start? 

You know, I have been reading a book. The title is Captivating - Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul. I love it so much. It's like, it was really making me go back and check my past. So, there. 

Growing up, I had a lot of issues. And I just clearly learned this year that the reason of who I am today is because of my past. And that includes you as well. It was quite a surprise to me that you are involved because you weren't even there while I was growing up. 

Hey, please stay. 

Don't get me wrong. I am not here to condemn you. I am here to just tell you of the messages I learned about you and my past.

We know that you abandoned me and my Mama months after you knew that she is pregnant with me. But you had your wedding with her, right? You promised for better or for worse..

May I ask what happened? 

You never even told us.. Even one of us. 

You were like the coin in the magician's hand.. Quickly disappeared in the thin air without us not knowing where to look for you.

You abandoned not just my Mama, but me as well.. Your one and only daughter.

Growing up, I always wanna be seen. I wanna know that I am delighted at, I wanna know I am loved, cherished, and that I am captivating. Funny because what I am usually doing is I look for a table or a high chair and I sit there or stand right there while singing or dancing. And I enjoyed the eyes of those watching but I was looking for a particular face, that particular eyes.. Yours.

Then it hit me that I don't have a Father. I never had a Father.

It was a sad night, you know. I saw my grandparents, Titas, Titos, and my Mama's smiles.. But, still I am looking for yours. 

And then I thought to myself, why is he gone? Why were we not sure if he is dead or alive? 

But, deep in my heart, I know you are alive. I know. I just know.

And then, that glorious day happened when we knew you were alive.. Alive with 5 children and a new wife.

I realized then that I still love you. And I have forgiven you. But then, questions not just from my Mama who was left behind but for me as well, as your supposed to be only daughter.

Why did you leave us?

Were we not enough?

Am I a burden to you?

Am I not worthy to be loved?

Were you not happy when you knew that I can go out to the world after some months?

And with all that you made me feel, I just felt like everyone who are and will be interested with me will just hurt me and leave.

..which happened a lot of times already.

I thought you were never connected to what I am today. But no, bulk of what I am today is because of you.

Never seen by a Father.

Never delighted upon.

Always felt not worthy to be chased and pursued.

Always felt that anyone who would want to enter into my life will just leave.

No one will stay.

I will always be that second choice.

Right at this very moment, my ex-boyfriend wants me back. 

But I don't really know if he is sincere. If he is really sure. Again, I felt that feeling of abandonment. That no one really is delighted in me. That I am just chosen because he just wants something in me.. But here I am, still wanting that love from him.

Sometimes, I am actually thinking.. 'What if I have a good Father? How would I act on this one?'

I honestly don't want to go back to this moment where I am being reminded that you left us not because you have to, but because you want to.

But God wants me to. So here.

I may not experienced your love but I am happy to let you know that little by little, I am knowing a Father who will never leave, who will always pursue me, love me, and will always delight in me. 

From your little girl who never thought that she will see the light again, thank you for bringing me to this world. For giving my Mama the strength she has right now and for leaving me, your only daughter who just wants love from her Papa.

Thank you. 

I just want you to know before I end, that all these forgiveness is because I have known the author of my life, Jesus Christ. I hope and pray that you will also get to know Him, the One who gave His life for me and for you, who promises an eternal life if you will just believe in Him and accept Him.

Your only daughter,

Pia

I woke up earlier than usual today even though it's a Saturday because I want this day to be as productive as ever. Because, hello, long weekend! But here I am, doing nothing, checking Facebook for around two hours now. 

I have been trying to write or think of what to do that will help me achieve what I want in the next days but my mind says, 'No, go to Facebook.' Really crazy.

Now, my mind is clouded. I feel so drained right now. I know I ma just basing everything in my emotions. I want to go out, find some resort and just write there, but I don't know where to go, or I am just lazy to even just take a bath. Sigh. Why, laziness!

There's this post about focus as well but this blog, if you'll check, wasn't even continued as promised.

Oh, here comes condemnation again.

And yes, distraction.

I am wanting to rebrand my blogs. I want to write again because this is my passion. I know this is it. But, what is happening is I am constantly distracted. Even right now, at this very moment, I want to just skip this post and then go back to Facebook. Say Hi old lady. You're 26 years old for heaven's sake, grow up!

But then God has His own, magnificent and extra ordinary ways of saying that He wants me to PERSEVERE.

My Family

1. Mama to accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior
2. Physical healing for Mama
3. Salvation for the whole family
4. Move in to our new house in Cavite

1. Excel at work 
2. Hit our targets every month
3. Study again -University of the Philippines Open University 
4. Start business for Mama

1. Disciple 5 women this year
2. For every member of our team to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior
3. Consistent VG every week
4. Start my own Victory Group

1. Save P50,000
2. Consistently give tithes

It's March already! Time really flies so fast!

It's already in the middle of March and I can't feel that I have been productive on the last two months. I still feel like I want to start over again, you know, click the reset button but I know I can't.

I don't know if something is just blocking my mind right now to not even think of all the blessing that I am receiving from God lately.

I feel like a robot. 

I don't even know if I still love what I am doing right now.

What are my plans? Do I really think about my future? What am I doing with my job? I thought I am saving for my future? But no. Na-ah. Zero.

Am I being negative here? Please let me know because I can't contain myself. I just don't want to stop writing. 

1. My boyfriend and I is now in an LDR setting 

If you have read my previous posts, I am not really in good terms with my boyfriend. He has cheated me in the past and I feel like I can't still give him the full trust that he is asking.

Now that he is far away from me, my trust and our relationship is always shaking. I always feel like he will still cheat on me. Because I think that he can just do it anytime. 

But as he was always saying, he will never do it again and he doesn't want to hurt me again.

And right now, I am trying to give him the trust the we need in order for us to grow. I just want to thank God for making me realize that in order for me to fully trust him, I should trust God more with my life.

2. Victory Group

One of my goals for 2017 is to have a solid Victory Group. Now, I will be meeting my new VG leader and I am so excited with this one! I am praying everyday that this will be my last VG. 

3. Exercise and Diet

My bestfriend and I are trying to be healthy with proper diet and exercise. And now, I am feeling hot maybe because of the exercises I'm doing. LOL! I always dream of personal development and I don't know where to start. 

Will end this post here because I am not feeling well. Not sure if this is because of my eyes, the exercise, or my heart. </3

Hey! Honestly, I don't know if someone is reading this or has read this. If you're reading this now, please let me know in the comment section below. I want to make friends <3