You know I sometimes don't want to think of you.

Well, I actually am thinking you will never really arrive at any point in my life.

Somehow it made me sad. Somehow it is a relief knowing that maybe you'll just hurt me.

But lately God has been telling me to wait and just be gentle to myself as I have been punishing myself with thoughts that is not pleasing to my inner self.

And then the series of wedding and proposal dreams suddenly bursts in the open.

Like Lord, really?

I dreamed of my own wedding last last night, I guess. It was magical. All of the people that I want to be there were all there. Venue's perfect. It was cold.

But the groom's not arriving still. I didn't see his face or even his body but when I saw him, I went outside and I washed the dishes, I cleaned, mopped, and washed our clothes while on my wedding gown. And while the mass is still ongoing.

It made me laugh. Because I know this will never happen in my own wedding.

And then last night, I dreamed of your proposal. Yes, I know it's you. I am sure it's you.

You know why? Because I felt at peace. We never really talked, I just saw you from a distance with my Mother and bestfriend together with some people close to us. It was after the proposal.

You are just small. Same as my height I guess? You were wearing a black jacket.

The location is like that of the one's in Batanes. Cliffside, with a narrow road. Overlooking the sea or a lake.

That's it. I think this will be one of the most memorable dreams I will ever have. Because I know it's real.

And future husband, I will wait for you.

Earlier, I talked to God.

It's the first time I prayed about you. 

Because I never really thought about this. Or you. All I know is that I am waiting. And while waiting, I will be productive.

While praying, God gave me this overflowing peace. 

And this peace is something that is very memorable to me 'coz I actually cried! God said in my prayer that the one for me will not make me super kilig but will make me at peace with our relationship, with my life in totality.

Not the usual peace. But the peace that is so deep that nothing can separate me with you. I don't know but this gave me a sense of hope that one day, you will be here, holding my hand while looking at my eyes with the peace that you bring.

Future Husband, I know that by the time we meet, God has molded you already to be that responsible man who is ready for bigger responsibilities as a husband and a Father to our kids.

By the time we meet, you will give me flowers, with a goal of winning my heart first. You will do everything to win my heart and will prove to me and my Mama that you are one of a kind.

I know these are too good to be true but future husband, know that I will be waiting for you. Someone who will love me, my deepest secrets, my flaws, and insecurities.

Future husband, I pray that while I am waiting for you, I'll be gentle to myself. Because all these years, I have been with the wrong guys and if this will hurt you, know that I am hurting too.

I hope and pray that you will accept me for who I am and love every peace of me. 

Future husband, know that I will serve you with all my life. I will promise to love you forever and I will be your help and your mate, willing to listen to you and will never leave you behind.

Future husband, I am so excited to meet you. I don't know when or where but I am sure our paths will meet. 

And by the time our eyes meet, I pray that you will also know that I am the one for you.

I love you. Even if I am still waiting for you.

Your future wife,

Pia