S P R I N G

Sorry for ranting but his blog post is for me to acknowledge that I need to focus and avoid these distractions, these addictions.

So, here are some ways for me (and for you) to minimize being distracted so easily.

Sorry for ranting but his blog post is for me to acknowledge that I need to focus and avoid these distractions, these addictions.

So, here are some ways for me (and for you) to minimize being distracted so easily.

You're the one that never lets me sleep To my mind, down to my soul you touch my lips You're the one that I can't wait to see With you here by my side I'm in ecstasy I am all alone without you My days are dark without a glimpse of you But now that you came into my life I feel complete The flowers bloom, my morning shines And I can see Your love is like the sun That lights up my whole world I feel the warmth inside Your love is like the river That flows down through my veins I feel the chill inside Every time I hear our music play Reminds me of the things that we've been through In my mind I can't believe it's true But in my heart the reality is you I am all alone without you My days are dark without a glimpse of you But now that you came into my life I feel complete The flowers bloom, my morning shines And I can see Your love is like the sun That lights up my whole world I feel the warmth inside Your love is like the river That flows down through my veins I feel the chill inside Your Love Your Love Your Love Your Love Your love is like the river That flows down through my veins I feel the chill inside

How could I let him know if he doesn't want me in the first place? 

This Globe Father's Day advertisement/campaign just moved me to bucket of tears as I start asking myself:

- How does it feel to have a Father?
- Would he drive me too?
- Would he want to hear my stories?
- Will I love him as much as I love my Mother?
- Will I be a Papa's girl?

And the question goes on and on and on. I wish I had one. One good Father that would love my Mother wholeheartedly and would never leave us.

Dear you,

I want you to know that writing this letter did not come easily for me. There were parts of my life that I wished you were there, but then I finally understood that growing up without you was the best thing for me. Our paths have crossed and then they divided again, and to be truthful, I like it much better that way. This isn't a letter expressing my bitterness, but rather my thanks to you for not being there.

I want to be mad at you. I want to throw something at you and tell you that you ruined my life, but that simply isn't the case. Growing up without a biological father was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I want you to notice that I said biological. I had many people take your place. My mom, my grandparents, my siblings, my friends parents, the list goes on and on. You were simply not needed. Not having you in my life made me strong, powerful, careful, and happy. I was able to experience things differently than my friends who had a two parent home.

I was able to experience an overwhelming amount of love and support from all different angles. I was able to have my mom go on every school field trip and watch me learn. I built a relationship with my mother that is twice as strong as it would be if you were around.

For years, I watched my mom grow with me. At the time I didn't know it, but I now I see that she struggled. She wanted only the best for me and she did whatever she could so that I would have it. She understood that early mornings and long nights would be tough in the moment, but help me in the long run. My mother played both roles and I couldn't be more proud of her. I hope that one day I'm at least half the women that she was and twice the parent you could ever be.

Most importantly though, I'm proud of myself. I'm proud that I made it through high school and that I will be a college graduate come May and I did it without you. I'm proud of myself that I finally understand that my life is perfect without you in it, even though I spent years trying to figure out why you weren't apart of my life. I have family who supports me, a boyfriend who loves me, and friends who are always around. I'm proud that I was finally able to realize that I did not need a biological father because I had many different father figures in all of the people around me.

Blood does not always symbolize family and sometimes water is in fact thicker.

I wish nothing but good things for you, but my life is better because you were not there.

Sincerely,
Me

By Allison Nepa

Original post: Open Letters That Matters
:https://web.facebook.com/openlettersthatmatter/photos/a.367938023368723.1073741828.361101197385739/611499779012545/?type=3

Gusto ko magsulat. 

Matagal tagal na din simula noong huli akong nakapag sulat. Marami akong nasa isip ngayon. maraming tanong, maraming gustong sabihin, na para bang maraming maguguglong kulisap na lumilipad lipad sa paligid na kahit anong taboy mo'y bumabalik balik pa din.

Hanggang sa napagod na akong kakataboy.

Tinitingnan ko lang sila. Pero parang masakit sa mata. Masakit nga sa mata.

Hanggang sa naramdaman kong sumasakit ang puso ko. Parang habang pabalik balaik ang mga insekto, parang paulit ulit ding sinasaksak ang puso ko.

Bakit kaya ganon ano? Kung kelan ka pa nag mahal, kung kelan mo pa sinabi sa sarili mo na huli na to, seryoso na 'to. Siya na talaga. Ayoko na nang iba. Nakakapagod na.. Yun pa yung sasaktan ka ng paulit-ulit.

Oo, napatawad mo na. Pero paulit ulit pa din umaalingawngaw ang sakit ng kahapon, ang lahat ng ginawa niya. Pero hindi ka makabitiw. Maraming tanong. Maraming takot. Paano kung bitawan ko siya, at hindi na siya bumalik? Paano kung mawala siya sakin ng tuluyan? Mga tangang mga tanong.

Bakit ganoon. Kahit hindi ikaw ang may kasalanan, kahit siya ang may dahilan ng lahat ng sakit, ikaw pa din ang nag-iisip, natatakot na mawala siya, natatakot na mawala lahat. Baka dahil masyado ka nang nag effort? Baka dahil na i-set mo na talaga ang isip, puso, balunbalunan mo, na siya na. Siya na ang hihingi ng kamay mo sa altar, siya na ang magiging kasama mo gumawa ng isang masayang pamilya, akala mo siya na.

Pero paano mo malalamang takot din siya kung hindi mo ipaparamdam sa kanya ang pakiramdam na wala ka? Kung hindi mo ipaparamdam na kaya mong mawala siya.

Masakit. Mahirap. Yung parang hindi ka makahinga. Yung gusto mo nalang matulog palagi. Ayaw mo mag-isa.

Pero kailangan. Kailangan mong pahalagahan ang sarili mo. Kahit mahal na mahal mo.

SPIRITUAL
1. Attend Purple Book class
2. Devotion everyday


HEALTH AND BEAUTY
1. Know how to dress well

Dear Cutie-Pie,

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.

• I don't care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table -- as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can't stop looking.
• I don't care if he can't play a bit of golf with me -- as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.
• I don't care if he doesn't follow his wallet -- as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.
• I don't care if he is strong -- as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.
• I couldn't care less how he votes -- as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.
• I don't care about the color of his skin -- as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.
• I don't care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion -- as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.